Letter of caution shared with parents

Dear Faculty –

On Friday afternoon (28 April 2017), with the advice and assistance of our counselors in middle and high school, I shared a letter with parents concerning a show which is now trending on Netflix. The book has been available in our high school library for a couple of years, though has not garnered any real interest among students. We are concerned about the TV show, though, in part because of timing and in part because of the themes it deals with. Below is a copy of the letter.

Sincerely,

Mark

28 April 2017

Re: Netflix Show, “13 Reasons Why”

Dear Middle School and High School Parents:

We want to make you aware of a Netflix program that your teenager may have access to or even already be watching. 13 Reasons Why is a 13-episode drama about Hannah Baker, a high school student who kills herself and leaves behind audiotapes detailing the way she remembers the events before her death. In each tape, she essentially blames her death on the actions (or inaction) of a group of classmates and a faculty member. That premise, along with a graphic scene depicting Hannah’s death, is contrary to the reality of most suicides and contrary to the way psychologists and counselors indicate suicide should be discussed with adolescents.

While every family has different values and guidelines for TV viewing, we want you to know that the series has very mature themes and contains graphic and violent scenes. It is rated for mature audiences and is inappropriate for middle school students. If your son or daughter is watching this show, even if he or she is in high school, we strongly encourage you to review it so you can decide if it is appropriate for them to watch. If you decide to allow your child to watch this, join them in the viewing and be prepared to have thoughtful discussions with them about it. Here are some suggested talking points for you taken from the JED Foundation:

• It is important to remember that there are healthy ways to cope with the topics covered in 13 Reasons Why and acting on suicidal thoughts is not one of them.
• Suicide is not a common response to life’s challenges or adversity. Everyone experiences difficulties and challenges in the process of growing up. The vast majority of people who experience bullying, the death of a friend, or any other very difficulties do not commit suicide. In fact, most of those people reach out to others, talk to others, and seek help or find other productive ways of coping. They go on to lead healthy, normal lives.
• Suicide is never a heroic or romantic act. The character’s suicide in this fictional show, and any real-life suicide, should be viewed as a tragedy.
• It is important to know that there are many treatment options for life challenges, distresses, and for mental illness. Treatment works.
• Suicide affects everyone and everyone can do something to help if they see or hear warning signs that someone is at risk of committing suicide. Talking openly and honestly about emotional distress and suicide is good. It will not make a person more suicidal, or put the thought in his or her mind, to talk about suicide openly and why it is never the right answer to what they are facing.
• Knowing how to acknowledge and respond to someone who shares their thoughts of emotional distress or suicide with you is important. Don’t judge them or their thoughts. Listen. Be caring and kind. Offer to stay with them. Offer to go with them to get help.
• How the guidance counselor in 13 Reasons Why responds to Hannah’s thoughts of suicide is not appropriate and not typical of most counselors. It is only a reflection of the way this fictional character remembers it. School counselors are professionals and are trustworthy and dedicated sources of help.
• When you die, you do not get to make a movie or talk to people any more. Leaving messages from beyond the grave is a dramatization produced in Hollywood and is not possible in real life.

As always, if you have questions or would like to discuss this issue or any other social or emotional concern, please feel free to contact one of our caring counselors.

Middle School: Ms. Bonnie Bertoia (+84 8 54130901;12003)

High School: Mr. Robert Kostrzeski (+84 8 54130901;33040), Ms. Erin Hawken (+84 8 54130901;33060), Mr. Chris Anderson (+84 8 54130901;33060)

Sincerely yours,

Mark Iver Sylte, Head of School