Parent email on emotional responses

Dear Faculty –

The following email was sent to all parents in the school. Although the announcement of Friday’s sad event was only made in high school, we felt it important that all parents receive this as there is some discussion among the wider student community about our loss.

Let me take this opportunity, too, to thank each and every one of you. You were so professional, so eager and willing to put your own needs aside yesterday and help our community. It is one of the many, many reasons I am proud to work with you.

Sincerely,

Mark

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Dear SSIS families,

As we informed you earlier today, an SSIS high school student passed away last Friday. This distressing news is very difficult for many of our students and is important for us, as parents and adults, to be prepared to support them during this time of grief and loss.

You may be asking: What can I do? There are two parts to this question: What can I do to help my child and what can I do to help the family who has suffered a loss?

First, allow your child to discuss feelings and reactions and actively listen to your child’s concerns. Allow some time for them to share how they are feeling and what they have done since hearing the news. Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to feel when someone dies. A few common feelings or reactions are:

Sadness: Your child may feel sad for the family who has lost a son.

Anger: Your child may feel mad that this has happened.

Guilt: Your child may feel as though he or she could have done something to prevent this from happening. This is usually not true. Sometimes things happen without a clear reason or explanation.

Blame: Your child may feel as though someone should be held accountable.

Fear: Your child may be scared.

Worried: Your child may worry about his or her own safety and that of your family. He or she may feel uncomfortable or fearful about being apart from your family.

It’s important to think about how children are feeling and allow them time to process this news. Some people do this by writing in a journal, drawing or by talking to others. It is always good to have close friends to talk to. Avoid spreading rumors. That is, keep the conversation focused on individual thoughts, feelings and actions.

Avoid:  “I heard that…”, “My sister told me that…”, “Someone said…”  “I got a text message that said…”

Do share with each other your feelings and memories:  “I feel….”  “I remember when ….”

The second question is about what is appropriate to do to support the family. Your child may want to write a note or letter the family. This will allow your child to express how he or she is feeling while allowing the family members the space and time to process their own feelings.

We have discouraged students from sharing this on social media. This is highly inappropriate and is very upsetting.

At SSIS, students have been encouraged to talk with an adult should they need support. Students may go to the Guidance Office at any time or talk with a high school staff member with whom they feel comfortable. A temporary memorial wall has been placed in the High School, near the entrance. Students may write on the memorial, add letters, photographs, flowers, etc. These items will be shared with the family when the time is appropriate.

Finally, it is not uncommon for people who are grieving to have headaches, stomach aches, lack energy and/or feel a need to be alone. Students may be more emotionally sensitive at this time, so please be understanding and patient with them.

Sincerely yours,

Mark Iver Sylte, Head of School