Going Deep with peRmah- ACR and Attachment Styles and More!

How is your peRmah going today? Here are a few strategies for learning, living and teaching about relationships.

• Active Listening – Be present and really listen to others.

• Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships and Active Constructive Responding (ACR) – Positive Psychology dives deep into both attachment and ACR within our relationships.

• Do a 5-minute Favor (Act of Kindness) – Spend five minutes each week helping someone in your network (at home or work). Share information, make a recommendation or help a neighbor/colleague carry something from the car instead of them making two trips.

• Emotional Bank Account – Fill Your Bucket – Use the language of making deposits (not withdrawals) into the emotional bank and adding to (not dipping from) the emotional bucket of others.

• Forgiveness – “When we are able to forgive another person, oneself, or a situation/circumstance, we are capable of freeing ourselves from a negative association to the source” (Raj et al 2016)

• Questions – Active listening and employing the Active Constructive Responding (ACR) response to good news and information (see below) are shown to strengthen relationships while supporting positive emotions in both the listener and the person at the receiving end of the listening. The research of Dr. Jane Dutton shows that there are four categories of questions that we can employ in our active listening. Replace “work” with “school” for students.

1. Ask Questions that Convey Genuine Interest in the other person

• • • What has been the most meaningful part of your work week?

    • What do you most care about in your work? Or what do you most love to do here?

    • What have you learned about yourself at work?

2. Ask Questions that Inject Positivity

• • • What gives you joy at work?

    • Who are you most grateful for at work?

    • What makes you feel valued here?

3. Ask Questions that Offer Help and Assistance

• • • In what ways can I assist you in your work?

    • What are your biggest needs at work right now?

    • What have others done at work for you that you have found most helpful?

4. Ask Questions that Uncover Common Ground

• • • What is your favorite hobby or activity outside of work?

    • What are you most looking forward to in the next three months?

    • Where have you traveled that you most enjoyed?

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern and support you would show to a good friend.” (Neff & Dahm 2015)

Student – Teacher Relationships article for lots of strategies.

Target the Active Construct Responding (ACR) listening technique to acknowledge – validate – celebrate others in your communication – see chart below.

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